The Vampire Diaries

"I already have tried though I—" She cut off then, muttering a quiet, "Never mind, sorry for phoning you…. I'll phone you later I guess." before hanging up.

Tatia sighed and put her phone away, resting her elbow on the side of the couch and then resting her head on it.

"You okay?" 

---

Astrid remained where she was for a few moments before heading out and telling Olivia quietly, repeating her mothers words almost exactly, "I appreciate your help but can you please leave now? I need time alone with him."

"Yeah, I'm fine. You go paint if that's what you want." Tatia mumbled quietly.

---

Olivia sighed like she was going to argue, though instead she just kissed Kol's cheek gently and whispered, "Call me later Kol, lemme know how you are. I miss you." before getting up and leaving.

Astrid yet again physically winced at the kiss, balling her fingers up into fists before sitting herself down next to Kol and mumbling, "I don't mind you calling her when your upset but to give me the cold shoulder, lock me out of the car and have a go at me and then call her as if she's the one your married to isn't on. I need you just as much as you need her which is obviously more than you need me since you ignored me. I–" she shook her head, "I'm hurting just as much as you and the only person I have to cry on the shoulder on is you since my mums always some sort of wreck when it comes to her and your brother. I'm suppose to be the one you come to when your upset n-not her. She kisses you again and I'll break her neck. This isn't even anything to do with that cow, she's suppose to be an after thought not the one you run to….  I'm sorry if this feels like I'm having a go at you I just–"

---

"Your not fine though. Maybe if you'd say what's on your mind more we'd have more to talk about, hm?"

"Because you'd tell me I'm being silly and pathetic and I don't want my feelings being dismissed Nik." Tatia shrugged, "So like I said, go paint."

---

"I've just lost my daughter for the second time Astrid, I didn't realise I wasn't allowed to lean on my only fucking friend for comfort, a friend I don't even see that much anymore because you hate her and I don't want to upset you. Well right now I don't fucking care how you feel about her."

"And I've lost my son for the second time so don't you dare fucking swear at me. I tolerate her normally, I've never prevented you from seeing her. I even convinced her to show up at our fucking wedding to make you happy so don't fucking act like I prevent you from seeing your friend when if anything I always encourage it so your happy." Astrid replied with a sharp hiss, "It's about you locking me out of the fucking car and ignoring me if anything. You're not the only one hurting, the first thing I fucking did was try to make you feel better and you fucking ran off before I even thought about myself the least you could of fucking done was not ignored me, not locked me outta the car or…"

---

"I've never called you pathetic." Klaus replied with a roll of his eyes. "Every time you've acted like this before I've arranged a break or tried to at the least but every time I do things always screw up worse and lavishing you with gifts only prevents it for like a week so maybe you should tell me what you want for once, hm?"

"Honestly Nik, sometimes I don't even feel like we're married anymore. I just feel like we live in the same house together and that's about it. We rarely speak and when we do its about the kids. I feel like your sister rathe rthan your wife. And I kept quiet beecause I realise how hard it was for you losing Ness, and it was hard for me too but its getting to me. I feel like that because we've spent a lifetime together you're finally going off me, I'm scared I'm not what you want anymore." Tatia finally broke, voice shaking a little. "Its since the whole divorce thing we've been platonic rather than romantic and I'm scared you're gonna find somebody who insterests you more than I do."

--

"Go away , I can't be bothered arguing."

De"Maybe we never talk about anything other than the kids because that's all our life ever is anymore? We can to go out or away for long because of them, and the instant we do something screws up so it's just safer to stay at home." Klaus sighed, "I don't know what you expect me to say, Tat, I can't change how your feeling. Maybe it's you becoming uninterested in me? Ever think of it like that?"

---

"I don't care if you can't be bothered." Astrid hissed in a shaky voice, "I'm telling you how I feel. You ran to her first, how the heck do you expect me to react? I'm not going to be cheery about it. Why do you run to her first when I'm right there for you? When I understand exactly how you feel because I'm feeling the same thing? I love you, sweetie, and my hearts breaking and it hurts even more that you tell me to go away when I need you."

Tatia looked up sharply then and shook her head, "no, no, I love and if I didn't I wouldn't be here right now. I can't even remember the last time we did something Nik, and I don't mean going on holiday, I can't remember the last time we went out together, went to bed at the same time. Honestly I can't remember the last time you kissed me and it wasn't on my cheek... I don't know what i want you to say, I guess I just wanted reassuring that you still want me and find me interesting like you did when we got together.""

--

"And me talking to you isn't going to make you feel better because we both have the same problem astrid!"

"Who said anything about talking?! You wouldn't even let me sit next to you for gods sake. I doubt you spoke to her, bet you just sat here and got drunk as you do and then leant into her. Why is she so much better than me, huh?! What makes you block me out or tell me to get lost and then physically phone her and ask her to come and hug you?" She shook her head. "It makes me feel like some kind of failure when you run to her after not being nice to me, it makes me feel like you actually love her. It hurts that people still call her your girlfriend whenever she comes up in conversation. It hurts that she speaks to me about you as if your hers. It hurts that you blame for you not seeing her even though I've tried so, so hard, bit my tongue so much and encouraged you to spend time with her sometimes. It hurts that it feels like I've only got Karl back and now I've lost him again. Feels like I ruined you and Eri by not letting you back out of compelling them…"

---

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

"If all you're going to do is fucking shout at me then bugger off Astrid because I can't be bothered with it. I called her because she wouldn't ask questions or nag to talk about my feelings like you would. I don't want to fucking talk!"

--
"But I don't know if that's because you love me, or if its because you feel like you have to stay with me because we're married, you feel like you can't try divorcing me a second time and I'm an emotional headcase. Is you think you'd be happier if you left Nik then don't let me hold you back..."

"I could say exactly the same to you, Tat and you know it which proves how much this is all in your head.  I love you, you know that, and I'm sorry if I slip out of the romantic mood when our kids are either dying around us or getting themselves into dangerous situations or fighting. It's not like you particularly try anymore either, it's not always up to me." 

---

"All I wanted was to fucking hug you, actually." Astrid hissed simply

"See, I knew you'd dismiss my feelings which is why I don't tell you about them. I didn't want to try anything romantic because like I said, I knew you were still hurting over Ness, so that comment about not being up for it when our kids are dying is out of order because it hurt me just as much as it hurt you to lose Vanessa, we just coped differently. But she's back now and you're still distant from me."

--

Kol just got up at that and walked away, shaking his head.

"It wasn't out of order, I was apologising if you'd of actually listened to me. I'm not dismissing your feelings you just seem to have this mind set that I'm dismissing your feelings when I'm actually just talking to you about them which is obviously what you're dying to do."

---

Astrid turned her back on him when he walked away, leaning over and compelling herself a drink. Her shoulders faintly trembling.

"If you were apologising then it was clearly sarcastic." Tatia muttered, sighing and shaking her head. "Its obvious we can't talk about the way I feel without this escalating into an argument so Ill just shut up in future about how I think - I'm genuinely scared that the man I love most in this world is going off me." She added before heading upstairs.

((Night))

With a deep sigh, Klaus just got to his feet and headed down into the studio silently.

---

A few hours later, Astrid wandered into her mothers home, silently closing the door behind her and calling in a soft voice, "Mum? You home? I – I need a hug. He kept telling me to fuck off, that he never sees her because of me, that he phoned her because she doesn't talk like I do and when I told him I just wanted to hug him he walked away from me, when I told him I needed him he walked away.  He said he had a right to want her around because he'd lost his daughter for the second time, said it as if I haven't lost Karl again."

Tatia was silent, just pulling Astrid to sit down next to her and enclosing her in a hug, looking like shed been crying herself. She ran a hand up and down Astrids back soothingly.

Astrid hugged her mother back as tightly as she cold, hiding her face in her her bed and mumbling, "She kissed him… on the cheek, but still she kissed him."

"Nik said its all in my head, then apologised for not bieng in the mood when our kids are dying. So were both in the ap pile today, mm?" Tatia said quietly.

"Seems so," Astrid whispered shakily.

Tatia held her tightly, kissing the top of her head.

She tightened her arms around her

"Guess were both having a hard time with men, mm?"

"Yeah… I felt it coming though, with Kol. The instant Karl remembered he'd been compelled I knew it'd happen."