Hope Falls

“They all - nothing is good for any of them. I am not good enough for any of them anymore. Mor does not shut up, she will not just for five seconds. And the baby, when she is not crying she is feeding, and when I pass her to the nanny’s for just a moments peace I can see it in their eyes that they think I am doing something wrong. And Kael - when have I ever been able to do right by Kael? In his eyes? The older he gets the more he cannot stand me.” Isolde sobbed, “Perhaps Síofra was taken from me at the age she was because the ancestors knew that I could not be both a good mother and a good Queen beyond her years. Because Kael has never seen that I just want what is best for him. And Mor is coming up to the same age as Síofra was and it is now I am failing her too. I did not - I used to be strong. There was nothing that could shake this kingdom. I took it back, I restored our ancestors… and I feel punished for it ever since because they will not allow me just a moment of victory, of peace, of self…”

---

“You are disappointed in me aren’t you? That… for all I am not angry, or sad you have children arriving… I am not excited, like you are. You dislike me for it don’t you? It would - it would please you if I were overjoyed. I am - I have not been a supportive wife, in your happiness. I apologise. Please forgive me?”

"I don't expect you to be happy, yet alone excited. It would be silly to expect it, why - why would thos be a good thing for you? My parents though..." He laughed shortly.

---

"Síofra was taken from you because the world is a cruel place. Do not ever believe that you lost her because of any fault of your own, Isolde." Aodhän spoke with a quiet firmness, leaning forward to touch his forehead to hers still keeping her hands bundled to his chest. "You are a good mother, a phenomenon Queen, but you have had to put out fires alone over the past seven months and that is wearing. You are loved, though, Sol. You are loved, and treasured." Slowly he dropped her hands, so his arms could once again wrap around her shoulders. Gently rocking her, "You have done such a good job. Everything will calm, everything will be okay. I have never lied to you before, and I don't intend on beginning now."

“This is not a good thing for me. It is humiliating.” Daphne whispered, picking at the skin on her hands, afraid of the consequences for what she perceived as speaking out of turn. “But you did not intend it to be so. It has just happened how it has happened and there is nothing to be done about it now. Not that I would wish for anything to be done about little children… And you seem truly excited by the prospect of them, so whilst I am not excited… I am happy that something is giving you such great joy where I have not. Your parents are not like monarchs in other countries… but your court has not yet… modernised the same way yet. In my country, your sons would never be seen. And before your mother as Queen, it would not happen here either. Your mother had half siblings from her father’s marriage that she never met, nor saw, I remember you telling me. Which is what your mother’s court will have been expecting of your sons. To be sent off somewhere. I admit that the idea that you will be raising children that are going to be born outside of our marriage is - foreign, to me. But it is the way things will be, and they are but little children who do not deserve to grow up without their father’s love just because of who he is. It is the way things will be because your mother has allowed it. She has risked mutiny among her court so that you could raise your sons. So that she could see her grandchildren growing up. You either have to accept that she loves you so dearly she has done this wholly for you, or that she is selfish and loves her grandchildren already and she has done it for herself so she can see them grow up. Either way… there is deep love there. And I envy you for it so much. My mother did not love us that way - my father certainly did not. And do you believe that if your location was different that Indira’s father would have allowed this in Baldruun? I think you should go be with your friend, be excited about your sons. But then when you are done you should ask your mother if she truly loathes the little ones as you do believe or if she is just frightened at what the world has in store for them because of how you have created them.”

---

“I cannot be this any longer… I cannot be their mother when I am causing so much harm. I cannot be Queen when I can no longer fix situations with guarantees that they will stay fixed. I cannot - I just wish to disappear from view… I just wish to disappear from view…”

"I know, I know. We just need to bide our time for a little while longer, until Kael and his wife have had their ceremony here and settled. We can leave then, even just for a few weeks, us and our daughters can spend time without all of these pressures." Aodhän soothed softly. "Be strong for another week or so, you can do it. We can do it."

---

Kael wrinkled his nose, glaring down at the table in silence. "May I leave now? The air in here is stifling and I have lost my appetite."

“It is you who is now reconsidering this marriage, is it not?” Daphne whispered in almost fearful silence. “My mother warned me that I talked too much but said too little… and said the wrong things in this instant. You are my husband.” She added on confusion, “You are my husband, it is I who asks permission you… If you deem this conversation over and wish to leave then… then I need not be consulted, of course?”

---

Isolde shook her head with wordless exhaustion as she rested her head against his chest.

"I intend for us to be a team, if you still want to speak of things or - or feel like it is unfair of me to leave you to eat alone, then I will stay. I am not reconsidering the marriage, not at all, I am just..." He shook his head, unable to find the words. "Overwhelmed, as I imagine you are."

---

Aodhän reached up to pull the blanket from the bed, cocoonjng them both in it's warmth as tiny flowers weaved themselves into Isolde's hair moments after his featherlight touches. "I love you, Sol."

”You go do as you need to…” Daphne nodded as she folded her hands into her lap.

---

“And I love you too…”

Aodhän used his thumbs to brush the tears from her cheeks, whispering, "I'm sorry I didn't tell him, he was doing well. Behaving like an adult for once and I knew he would get fantastical ideas about coming home and marrying Indira, happy ever afters. I didn't want to set him on that path."

---

"Daphne... honesty, please. I - I won't punish you for it, and if I ever do without realising then I want you to hold me accountable."

“I would rather you ate dinner with me and then retire as planned do to my room than you go and celebrate the impending arrival of your children. But you are free to do as you like. There is no point having dinner and then spending the night with you not wanting to be there.”

---

“It is done now. You cannot go back and tell him… it is done.”

"I will eat with you, or - or try to. As I said, my appetite is..." He laughed uncomfortably. "Why don't we eat in the gardens rather than in this stuffy room?"

"Oh no I am sorry, but I wouldn't change ut." Aodhän shook his head. "I still believe it was the right choice."

“Perhaps just a walk in the gardens then? My own appetite seems to have disappeared.”

---

“It is done with…” Isolde whispered, curling back in on herself tearfully.

Kael nodded, offering his hand once he had risen to his feet.

---

"It is," Aodhän whispered, resting his head against the top of hers silently

“I apologise for my outburst.” Isolde murmured a few minutes later when she had composed herself, moving her hand to wipe at her face. “It’s… not what you should have had to return to. I should have been more prepared. Held my tongue…. This is my own making and huh have spent weeks at sea…”

---

“Perhaps you can show me the area we’ll be married in? It sounded beautiful the way you described it…”

"I'm not angry at you, hold nothing against you." Aodhän assured quietly, taking a hold of her hand to brush his lips against her knuckles. "I am glad to be home, I've missed you."

“I’m just sorry that you didn’t return to something calmer… You did well, for our country by making sure that Kael did his duty. And you have returned to chaos.”

"He done well, really surprised me. He had many opportunities to veer of course, many women who wouldn't have been appropriate but he seemed to enjoy the company of more." Aodhän chuckled humourlessly. "Picking up a street urchin and bringing him back was something I couldn't make him see sense in though. I worry he may get some issues with that in the future."

“Ah the small thing he brought back with him that has spend hours in the kitchen yapping about bread and different ways to make it, according to the Seers Wyatt left him with.”

"The boy is obsessed with food, I made sure Princess Avani had the pleasure of babysitting him on the carriage ride back. I couldn't take anymore of it." Aodhän scoffed. "It worked under the guise of his native language."

“Princess Avani… what did you learn of her on the way back that we did not already know?”

"She kept to herself, she isn't a social butterfly. If anyone moved too quickly near her then she would flinch or take a step backwards. She only seemed relaxed when Cavaughan spoke to her."

“Do you know anything of her husband? Trying to weigh up if I can get away with executing her for striking Kael the way she did.” Isolde murmured, clear her heart wasn’t in the threat despite her annoyance. “Although I imagine just to be contrary he will tell me that his mistress will need her sister and we should allow her free roam of the castle for as long as she requires.”

"It looked sore," Aodhän agreed with a wrinkle of his nose. "She was aiming to draw blood, mm? Stupid woman is not helping the 'rebuilding alliances' mission her people have."

“I’ll deal with her in the morning…”

"The Razi's have become a bane on our life,"