Hope Falls

“You are not failing. We are not failing.” Indira shook her head, leaning in to him for the comfort. “We… we lost our son before we even got to know him. And we are still here, still standing. Still providing for Iris. I’d say we’re doing pretty good.”

---

“It is what we have always been told…”

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“It’s not difficult Karina, it is impossible. I cannot give you what you want…”

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Ira just shook his head, batting her hands away. “You cannot speak of it further, Eden.”

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“I understand that your mother would do it all again to make sure you existed, because she loved you very much.”

"No, no not to anyone other than you. I swear." Eden assured, catching his hands with a childish giggle. "How long have you liked him, mm? What do you like about him? Tell me! Tell me."

---

"I want us all to be happy. Do you think we can work towards being happy? Can you start hugging me back, touching me not - not just in the bedroom but when we are side by side, catching my hand or moving hair from my face. All the things you used to do..."

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"It all felt fine when I had Cassius, when Aesira had Eden. We were... it was the four of us. I don't know how to do it now though, I am not strong enough to keep being alone. I need friends; I need them."

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"I know;"

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"The woman who birthed me thinks I am drowning. Isolde called her my - my true mother." Kael swallowed. "I comforted her in response, I watched myself comfort her, like I wasn't real. Like it was a story.  I - I - I can not put it into words."

(( Night night ))

“No Eden, no. I’m not doing this. This isn’t some - no. I’m not doing the thing you and Aesira do over the grooms.” Ira shook his head, “This isn’t silly and excitable. It’s wrong.”

---

“We can try and fix this, whatever is going on between the two of you, if it is as you wish. I can do my best to help, Cass.”

---

“I am sorry, for neglecting you.” Lucian apologised sadly, nodding at her words.

---

“Whenever you are angry or upset with her, you do not call her mother, you use her name.” Indira pointed out, lifting her hand to gently brush some of Kael’s hair from his face. “It could be that she was pre-empting that, getting in there before you could. Or perhaps your birth mother gave her what for and scolded her for acting too much like your mother when she did not birth you. They were cousins, mm? Your birth mother may feel incredibly hurt that your mother not only married her husband but has her son calling her mother too… So many reasons why she used the words she did, but I do not think for a moment it was because she considers you anything other than her son, Kael. I know my own mother loved me deeply, and I see nothing but the same from Isolde toward you…” she laced her fingers with his before adding; “I do not think your mother knows how to navigate this with you, in truth. I have been lucky in that Avani was able to process her own experience in order to help me with this. But people deal with things differently, and your mother’s way of dealing has left her unable to help you. It’s not your fault, or hers… She is in a leaky ship, and is using both hands to plug the holes. If she offers a hand to help you… she begins to sink, because when she looks at your loss she is confronted with her own, your sister…”

---

“I feel like a mouse under their paws. As soon as I get free and claim some happiness from myself they do something to remind me I am nothing.”

"Which part of it is wrong? That he is a he or that he is your friend? You have kept it all inside, I think you are allowed to be a little bit silly - even just for several minutes before going back to any reality you see it."

"It was fine when he was j- just not talking to me, o- or just yelling at me to l- leave him alone but this.. this. I don't know how to navigate without him." Cassius let in a trembling breath, trying to stop a sob catching once more.

---

"I am sorry you haven't felt like you can speak to me," She echoed the sentiment, brushing her thumb in small circles against his cheek. "I know it will always be a struggle for you, to a certain extent, but I think you are coping well. You are still the exact same amount of man as before."

---

"I do not need help. Everyone thinks we need help but all we need is to be able to spread his ashes, it isn't... it isn't a big mystery. It doesn't mean we are drowning." Kael turned his head away to look towards the window as he squeezed her hand. "Would Avani stay here in your place? Play 'hostage'?." He shuddered at the word. "That is the only way she will allow you to go, and I won't be doing this without you."

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"It isn't important, what you are to them. They are too powerful and too... nonchalant. Life means little to them. You are important to us though, this place, these people, me and your children." Aodhän pressed his lips to her forehead. "We all love you,'

“We will find a way to fix this, to mediate this. We will get you and Ira in a room together and have him answer to his behaviour.” Liara assured, squeezing his shoulder.

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“I know you are missing out because I cannot perform Karina… I do not need my ego soothing.” Lucian shook his head with a sigh, “But I am sorry you’ve felt neglected, I will try harder.”

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“All of it is wrong Eden. It shouldn’t be like this.”

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Isolde closed her eyes, curling into him further with a tired exhale.

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“Now she knows Rajiv is mistreating the boys… I don’t think so. She’ll want to go home as soon as possible for them.” Indira leaned her head against his shoulder. “And so we are back to the beginning of the problem…”

"What if we promise her that we'll bring them home? I - I am not doing it without you, Indira. I wouldn't even consider it. You have to convince Avani to stay here."

---

"Everything will be okay, Sol. Don't - don't say such things again. Do not threaten to jump from windows, or make it so your head is on a spike. You being displayed like that are the things that haunt me at night, the nightmares I have that wake me up sweating."

---

Eden shook her head, offering him a sad smile, "There is nothing wrong with any of it, Ira. It isn't... I mean I am sure there will be plenty of men who love men if you really looked and Cassius may be a Prince but he isn't the heir."

---

"The other ways you please me are just as invigorating," Karina grinned, ducking her head to press her lips to the skin just behind his ear. "I hope I haven't done too terribly at keeping you happy either."

---

Cassius let out a slow breath, nodding cautiously.

“Cassius makes it very plain it is not men he is interested in. And I do not want to be interested - I do not even know if I am interested in men, or just him I - “ Ira shook his head, “I do not wish to speak of it anymore. I didn’t want to in the first place, it came out and it wasn’t supposed to. Can you not just act as if we never spoke of this.”

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“Despite my obvious lack of showing it, I am happy with you Karina. You are all I’ve ever wanted.”

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“We will find some way to get to the bottom of all of this. You won’t be alone any longer.” Liara promised as she lead him into the room.

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“I will speak to her when she comes out of her bubble. She is so happy to have the boys with her, though much work must be done on their attitudes.” Indira squeezed his arm before getting to her feet and heading to the cabinet to pour them both a drink.

---

“I am sorry, that those words got back to you…” Isolde grimaced, “I did not… temporary loss of my senses.”

"It came out, because it is one of the things upsetting you." Eden hummed, "When you want to talk about it then I am here, until then we didn't have this conversation. As for the rest of it, I miss dad too... do you have moments where you aren't sure if they are real memories or if you are making it up? I hate those the most."

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"Mm, Karina hummed, leaning back then. "Best not to linger on it for any longer. I think you should help Lynette, the woman deserves happiness and you know kind people. You'll be able to make sure they wont hurt her, not physically, at least."

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"Aesira.. hi." Cassius breathed his greeting, running his hand across to face to try and hide the injury, wipe away the blood.

Conan glanced over his shoulder, eyes going to Liara with a frown. "What happened?"

---

"I haven't had much chance to spend time with them, though I've heard they are going to be spending some time with Mor later." Kael hummed in amusment. "What are they like?"

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"Lose of senses or..." Aodhän letting out a breath, "I didn't even realise you were feeling so badly."

“I don’t really remember anything about him anymore…” Ira admitted sadly, “He’s been gone so long.”

---

“Ira and Cassius got into it…”

“I don’t remember you getting hit. What happened? Did the Valkyries attack you?” Aesira sat up, reaching her hand for her brother.

---

“There are far too many men that seem good on the surface but are lacking beneath.”

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“They think their father is God and his word is absolute.” Indira rolled her eyes, moving to sit on Kael’s couch and putting their drinks on the table in front of it, curling her feet underneath her. “Rakesh wanted to beat me at cards not to say he had won, not for his own competitiveness but because he wanted to see me upset at losing to him… Avani has only been gone a year and they are already just like him. He spoke to me as if I were beneath him. He is a child, questioning me on you as if he is old enough to understand anything. But I am a woman, and Rajiv has taught him that already I am beneath him for that fact.”

---

“The grief has become overwhelming recently…”

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"Cass and.. Ira. The boy has been violent to the Guardian's and i know the two of them aren't talking as much but that is still surprising." Conan frowned.

"Just Ira being a dick, that's all. Nothing to worry about." Cassius assured, taking his sisters hand. "How are you feeling?"

---

"Mm, dreams that might be memories. Stories that have been told so many times i don't know what they are." She agreed, leaning her shoulder into his. "Do you want to visit his grave with me today? Before dinner."

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"You are a good judge of character."

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Kael reached forward, taking the drink from table to sip at it. "If the man has been hurting them then they wouldn't have had much of a choice, to start thinking like he does, acting like it too. I - Between you and Avani it won't take him long to correct how he thinks, divert from the old Baldruunian attitude."

---

"With what Kael is going through, it would bring it all back, wouldn't it? It's.. I expected it."

“He’s developing quite the temper it seems… Karina must be told to control him.”

“Remember that one time my horse kicked me in the head as a foal? Like that.”

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“Hopefully good enough that I do not saddle her with a bad husband.”

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“No… not feeling like this I don’t.” Ira shook his head. “You cannot tell even Aesira what I said today.”

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“I thought I’d have a better handle on it… apparently not.”

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“Hopefully their attitudes can be rectified before our son is old enough to pick up on it. I won’t have him thinking any less of women just… just because they are women.”

Eden lifted her hand up, hooking her little finger around his and squeezing as tightly as she could. "No, never. You know that you can trust me, you have always been able to trust me, it won't ever change."

---

"Aesira shouldn't have picked so many fights with Valkyries over the year, but it didn't matter what I said, she wouldn't stop. The children are.. less like children now. They are turning into young adults, parents can't control them anymore." Conan sighed. "I'll speak to Karina, tell her that Ira hurt Cassius and remind her he can't be doing such things. Not when Cassius is a Prince."

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"Do you have any ideas on what kind of man? I do, already. She needs someone with spontaneity, right? Giving her some run of the mill Lord will bore the woman to death."

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"I wish you would have spoken to me,"

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"No, he would never." Kael scoffed. "We had a vision for Idris, before he was born. He doesn't have to meet it but the morals we want him to hold are the same, and he is already a heartbreaker. Have you seen all the staff fawn over him? Absolutely besotted. He is adorable!"

“He is… we made someone incredibly special.” Indira smiled fondly as she moved to take her own glass and take a deep drink. “He’ll do great things… even if all those things are nothing we expect.”

---

“We already have enough to content with. My grief rearing its ugly head again… We do not have time for it.”

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“But not someone so spontaneous they have no stability. I think that’s what she craves.”

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“He’s… he’s very upset. I’ve never seen him like that before. He even let me hold him a little.”

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“I’ll… I’ll fix myself okay? I just need time to fix myself.”

"Fix? You don't need fixing, brother. You are not broken." Eden reassured gently. "All I want for you, is for you to let someone be there for you. To sit with all of these feelings alone, I don't want that for you."

---

"He did?" Conan frowned, peering over his shoulder to watch his children. "Cassius has always craved maternal figures. I don't know if his bravado waning is a good thing or not."

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"I have all the time for it, for you. If you don't let yourself feel and you end up doing something to yourself..."

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Kael laughed quietly at that, "Nothing we expect? Now that worries me. What do we do if he causes mischief?"

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"Mm," Karina hummed her agreement. "What else - what other traits? She is part wolf; isn't she? Does that... effect anything?"

“We chastise him to his face and then meet later to delight in whatever he’s caused.” Indira grinned, pouring herself another glass and topping him up. “I… Would it be offensive, if when you had him and Bodhi added to your tattoo I - I have the same design?”

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“I wouldn’t I - I was just… I lost my senses for a minute.”

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“I thought he’d push me away but he didn’t… it was nice.”

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“She is barely wolf. It’s very watered down. I’ve never really noticed anything like them from her.”

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“I do need fixing. This cannot remain as it is.”

"Barely a wolf, so mostly a....  what is it? What is she?" Karina asked cautiously. "I've never thought to ask before, been too... polite."

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"What if it happens again, because you aren't speaking to me? What if you don't regain your senses before you do something?"

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"Nice." Conan echoed quietly. "I know you want to get on with them but, how... present do you want to be?"

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"No! No..." Kael assured. "If you want it. The tattoos aren't- they aren't part of your culture, you are sure you want them?"

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"'Which this do you mean?"

“As long as you think it’s okay for me to have them… the boys are half you, they’ll be part of your culture as well as mine and I - I want to mark that in some way.”

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“I will be okay, Aodhän, it’s okay I promise you. I’ll be okay. It is out of my system now.”

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“All of it Eden. All of it. Loving Cass, liking men. All of it. I will shut it down…”

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“I do not want to replace their mother, but I’m to have sibling. I do not want them to feel othered, or excluded. Cass already feels he will be.”

"He does? He told you this?"

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"No! No." Eden laughed humourlessly, gripping his arms tightly. "I will not let you do that, you shall love whoever you want to love, understand? Woman, man... it is irrelevant."

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"Do you think I am stupid?" Aodhän swallowed. "No."

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"Yes, no.  I mean - it's fine, that is fine." Kael stammered, nodding subtly. "I just never thought. Spreading ashes is one thing but marking your own skin..."

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"Barely a wolf, so mostly a.... what is it? What is she?" Karina asked cautiously. "I've never thought to ask before, been too... polite."

“You’ve marked yours plenty.” Indira pointed out, tracing her hand on the outside of his sleeve as she remembered the patterns.

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“Of course I don’t think you’re stupid.”

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“It isn’t irrelevant and you know it Eden. Don’t act foolish. It’s not right.”

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“He’s terrified he’s going to be replaced.” Liara nodded sadly.

"My people do. The ink your culture draw fades eventually, washes off... mine isn't like that. It is part of us forever, a - something that you have to be more sure of."

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"What we are taught is bullshit, Ira! It is lies, and... and it is them who are not right! How can love be wrong? Tell me what is wrong about it?!"

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"Don't pretend you are okay then, don't lie to me."

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"That's just ridiculous."

“What can I be more sure of than something for our sons?”

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“I have told you everything… I promise.”

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“It just is. It feels wrong and I know it is wrong!”

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“He’s a young boy who’s lost his mother. I don’t think it’s so silly. We should prioritise spending time as a family mm?”

"And you will continue to? Before - before it gets to this point again, do you promise that?"

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"We need to talk about it more. The most important parts to preserve from both of our cultures, in regards to Idirs."

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"How is love wrong?" She challenged. "Why does someone's... intimate parts.. make it right or wrong?"

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"He isn't young enough to think he'll be replaced. He's never been raised like he could be."

“I will, I promise.” Isolde nodded, “This is as bad as I shall ever allow it to get I promise.”

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“He will be living here. It’ll be up to me to make sure I teach him my language first and foremost.”

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“It’s just wrong, Eden. It’s not up for discussion anymore.”

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“He’s been raised knowing he’s a bastard… People are cruel.”

"It just is isn't an answer. What do you want me to do, violinist you for being in love? I will not. You are not broken, you don't need fixing. No, Ira. No."

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"I am not people. I have always emphasised how loved he and his sister are. There is no replacement, I don't understand..."

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"Up to us both," Kael corrected quietly, in her native accented tongue. "I am not perfect, but I don't think I am terrible at it either. When would you like to speak it? When it is us, and around Avani too?"

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"I hope so, I do..."