The Age of The Masrui

“She didn’t. She abandoned them and when I found Marley they were a few days off losing the apartment and not long off starving after.”

---

“I miss you...” Karsi whispered thickly. “I can’t - I can’t say I’m sorry enough times for what happened. And if I could go back and change I would Tesni. I would. I’m sorry - and I... that you don’t want me to be your mom anymore breaks my heart. I love you just as much as Cain and Wren. I’d do anything to go back to how we were... but I know you, and your stubborn nature. And I know how badly I hurt you... and I just wanted to say that - even when you move out on your birthday. Everything we have for you is still yours, the college fund and then the trust fund after - all of that. Still yours. Even if you want nothing to do with us anymore I just want you to use that to build yourself the bright future I know you’ve got ahead of you... even if we’re not in it anymore.”

---

“Because I know what it is to be alone. I haven’t been in a long while. But I was once. And I’m aware my son isn’t perfect...”

---

“So I need to end it with her don’t I? It’s what you and mom have wanted all along. What everyone’s wanted - and I need to do it don’t I?”

"You need to do what will make you happy; if she is ready to talk about a future and you have decided that you no longer want one then yeah, she deserves to know that. You both deserve someone one the same wave length as you both."

---

"I tell him I want a future with kids and he gets mad at me, I tell him I don't and he gets mad at me. I don't - I don't know what he wants. We are never in the same place but at the end of the day I am the bad guy because I didn't want to be a mother when my fiancè couldn't walk, I had an ex stalking me and I just didn't feel safe, or - or ready, in general like.. I just couldn't see it.. but now I do feel safe, and Rhys would be able to physically hold my hair back as I threw up or go and get me stupid things to eat at stupid times of the day; now I can see it... I am once again the bad guy. He is punishing me, for something he said was my choice. He puts me first, and himself second which is amazing- perfect but it isn't genuine because then he explodes at me and suddenly I am the villain who is selfish and never thinks about him or what he wants and I can't win, can I? Nothing I ever do is going to be enough for him. He needs therapy or something..."

---

"Yeah see, you can come and do the big speeches like that but they don't really.... mean anything... do they? I mean; your real kids got given to people you genuinely knew and I got put with like a friend of a friend in a foreign country that I had never been to before and... that isn't your fault because you were unconscious but... do you get it? You and Louos will always have an instinct to put Cain and Wren in the safest position and I will always come after that. Even Cain and Wren themselves, clung onto each other like these little terrified thing but it wasn't me they tried to stay with. When Louis lifted Wreb out of the car, she didn't fight to get to me the way Cain fought to try and stay with her. When everyone had their happily little reuniting who was the last one to be hugged by literally everyone - me. Wren and Cain watch movies together, cry for each other at night and then... and then there is me. It isn't your fault, or Louis' or theirs... I don't hate you for it but.. its how it is, mm? People say blood doesn't matter, which it doesn't but.. bonds do.. none of you will ever have that kind of bond with me. I'll always be behind everyone else."

---

"I am so sorry you went through that Marlowe."

Marlowe snorted softly, downing her drink in one and leaning heavily into Maddox.

(( Night night ))

“I’m done. I’m the bad guy in every situation in my life and I’m done with it. I’m a shit son because I let my mother get taken and it took me months to find her and she nearly died and then because I wouldn’t pick her over my girlfriend and then because it broke my heart that all my father cared - and still - about was River. I’m a bad boyfriend because I got upset when she got rid of my baby, and then I’m a bad boyfriend because I work every hour I can so we can fund the edging ourselves and not rely on anyone else. And still a bad boyfriend because I spent so long accepting that this was all I would get and now I can’t imagine myself having kids anymore because I just didn’t think it would happen. Bad brother because I can’t bare to be around Eric when I keep picturing my own kid at that stage and I don’t have the time to read my sister bedtime stories - I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of fucking being me. I can’t win with anyone. I can’t ever make anyone happy. I’m fucking broken. Defective. I’m done. I’m just done. What’s the point anymore.” Rhys finished the alcohol and slammed the glass back down, walking out of the room and from the club completely.

---

“I know how it must’ve felt to you. And I’m so sorry for all of it.” Karsi whispered, doing her best to stop her voice from breaking. “I mean it - I love you just as much as them Tesni. You’re my daughter even though I’m not your mother to you anymore. I’d still die for you the way I would with Cain and Wren.” She shook her head, blinking back tears. “A few months ago - a few months ago I found out that my dad isn’t my biological father. I don’t have answers as to how I came to be here anymore - I don’t know if I was the product of an affair or just a one night stand. I don’t know if my dad had me tested or if he just didn’t care... I don’t know and will never know any of it. And I look at my brothers now and all I can think of is how can they want me when I’m nothing to them by blood now? But then I look at you and you’re not my blood but you are my family and you always will be to me - and I guess I answer my own question don’t I? I - I’m not gonna sit here and beg because it won’t do either of us any good - and I can tell you’ve got your mind made up. I just wanted to say that I’m really proud of you, and everything you’ve achieved and everything you will achieve because I know you’re gonna do so well. And I don’t expect you to invite me to anything like your graduation or anything like that because why would you mm? But I want you to know I’ll always be cheering you on from the sidelines. Celebrating even if I can’t celebrate with you. You’ve a lot to give. And I’m sorry I let you down so badly.” She whispered, standing up and crossing the room quickly to press a kiss to her forehead. “I do love you, more than you will ever know. And I’m sorry...” she added before pulling away to leave.

---

“I can’t answer for any of that. I just know he loves you - has done from the moment he came home and confessed that he’s found someone he really likes but she has a boyfriend so he feels almost guilty. And I hope the two of you can work it out because you make him happy - even if he doesn’t show it right now. And I’m sorry he doesn’t.”

---

“It wasn’t just Marley. Dorian had to go through it all too.”

Cleo leant her head back to stare at the ceiling as she spoke, mumbling something inaudible about going to be alone before getting to her feet and heading out of the room. Sighing as she spotted Rhys leave the building and pushing her way out through the crowd to catch up with him.

---

"Rhys, wait-" Ronan had began, getting to his feet in an attempt to stop him from going but not being quick enough. Just as he moved from around the table, he spotted Cleo leave too. "They are terrible for each other, has anyone else noticed that or just me?"

"I don't think Rhys is very well, Ronan." Reid frowned. "You and Bella need to talk to him about all of that, he is done with tonight or is he done with living? I couldn't tell."

"Where is Dorian?" Anthony asked with a frown. "I can not apologise to him if he isnt here."

"He is busy with work an- Sienna, do another lap?" Marlowe frowned when she spotted her daughter approaching the table. Making a quiet noise in frustration when she was ignored, "Now isn't the time for you not to listen to me.. "

"I physically can't, my feet hurt. Sorry." Sienna mumbled as she sat herself down.

"So this is one of my grandchildren?"

---

"Wait.. don't.. don't go yet."

“Rhys is close to a breakdown - I should know. I’ve been there.” Astrid said in agreement with Reid. Poor boy...”

---

“This is the eldest, Sienna.”

---

“I don’t wanna bother you any further.” Karsi whispered. “It’s okay...”

"Rhys..." Cleo called after him, jogging once she was out of the building to try and find him faster. It having taken her a little too long to push her way through the crowd so she had lost sight of him.

---

"He is just being too hard on himself, making things this huge drama when they don't have to be." Ronan denied with a shake of his head. "He'll take himself for a walk, then he will come back and be just fine. That is what always happens."

"He isn't being dramatic, he is struggling. How are you unable to see that, he close enough to confessed that to you."

---

"So I have to beg you to stay in the room with me now too?" Tesni mumbled, wrinkling her nose before adding. "Fine then, go."

---

"How old is she? Surely not old enough to be pregnant and for you both to be okay with it."

"I am right here." Sienna snorted, "Don't talk about me like I am not. It is none of your business, is it? I don't know you. I've heard enough about you though."

"See..." Marlowe sighed.

"Rhys..." Cleo called after him, jogging once she was out of the building to try and find him faster. It having taken her a little too long to push her way through the crowd so she had lost sight of him.

---

"He is just being too hard on himself, making things this huge drama when they don't have to be." Ronan denied with a shake of his head. "He'll take himself for a walk, then he will come back and be just fine. That is what always happens."

"He isn't being dramatic, he is struggling. How are you unable to see that, he close enough to confessed that to you."

---

"So I have to beg you to stay in the room with me now too?" Tesni mumbled, wrinkling her nose before adding. "Fine then, go."

---

"How old is she? Surely not old enough to be pregnant and for you both to be okay with it."

"I am right here." Sienna snorted, "Don't talk about me like I am not. It is none of your business, is it? I don't know you. I've heard enough about you though."

"See..." Marlowe sighed.

“No - No. you don’t have to beg. I just - I meant - I didn’t want you thinking you had to. If I’m okay to stay then I’ll stay...” Karsi nodded desperately then, clinging to the situation.

---

“Leave me alone! I’m done! Not your responsibility anymore!” Rhys called back. Hands in his pockets as he walked down alongside the road - not aiming for anywhere, just walking.

---

“Where’s Rhys?” Bella asked quietly as she sat herself back down, frowning when she noticed her drink missing.

“Ronan thinks he’s being dramatic when me and Reid aren’t sure he’s going to do something silly.” Astrid shook her head before standing up. “We need to go after him to make sure he’s okay Reid. If they don’t believe him.”

---

“If Sienna doesn’t want us to talk about it with you then...”

"What do you mean?" She frowned, curling her fingers around his arm as she slowed to a walk pace beside him. "You're done? I'm sorry, I won't mention a baby again... tell me what is going on inside your head."

---

"He just done the normal spiel if feeling like the bad guy for this, that and a million other things that are hardly relevant and then walked out." Ronan waved the topic away, rolling his eyes in irritation at Astrid. "He just needs to walk it off, and then he'll be fine."

Reid got to his feet too, ignoring his brothers dismissal and heading out.

---

"So.. that is why you've been so sad over the past few months. Why didn't you tell me?" Tesni whispered. "I could of helped you, show you how to learn to live with it. That's what my whole life has been, everything you said about how you were feeling."

---

"I have missed out on so much through force, not through choice so to punish me for anything by holding back information doesn't seem fair. I want to be a part of your life, Marlowe... and your children's." Anthony whispered, turning his attention back onto his daughter then.

"Can you drive me home, dad?" Sienna whispered, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "I'm tired,"

"What do you mean?" She frowned, curling her fingers around his arm as she slowed to a walk pace beside him. "You're done? I'm sorry, I won't mention a baby again... tell me what is going on inside your head."

---

"He just done the normal spiel if feeling like the bad guy for this, that and a million other things that are hardly relevant and then walked out." Ronan waved the topic away, rolling his eyes in irritation at Astrid. "He just needs to walk it off, and then he'll be fine."

Reid got to his feet too, ignoring his brothers dismissal and heading out.

---

"So.. that is why you've been so sad over the past few months. Why didn't you tell me?" Tesni whispered. "I could of helped you, show you how to learn to live with it. That's what my whole life has been, everything you said about how you were feeling."

---

"I have missed out on so much through force, not through choice so to punish me for anything by holding back information doesn't seem fair. I want to be a part of your life, Marlowe... and your children's." Anthony whispered, turning his attention back onto his daughter then.

"Can you drive me home, dad?" Sienna whispered, shifting her weight uncomfortably. "I'm tired,"

“Because I didn’t want you to think I was playing the pity card. Trying to get out of what happened - what we did. And because - I was ashamed I felt that way. I’m still ashamed now.” Karsi admitted sadly, playing with her hands. “In my head I know my brothers love me but there’s just that tiny voice there now saying at any moment during an argument they can decide they don’t anymore and they don’t have to deal with me because I’m not really theirs. I’m struggling badly with it all.”

---

“Why do they think he’s going to do something silly if it was just being dramatic? What’s up with him?”

---

“I can’t do this anymore Cleo. I just can’t - you’re right, everyone’s right, why are we together mm? Because I can’t see a future where I have kids because I hammered it into myself so hard it wasn’t going to happen so never hope, never. I’ve nothing to offer you - my dream of racing is dead in the water, I’m a terrible fiancé because you’re right - a tiny bit of me will never be able to let it go and I don’t mean to but I can’t help it. Being so shit at everything is crushing me and I need to take the weight off so we’ll start with partner - I won’t be yours anymore. You need to go find someone who’s completely dedicated. Someone who isn’t me...”

---

“Yeah sure, go get Theo? I’m sure he’s ready to leave by now too.”

"Welcome to my reality, I hope you have a good stay. That'll always be there, you're never going to escape it now and when you give in to the voice and agree with it then things like this happen..." She motioned between the two of them. "People get all weird, try and 'make things up' to you all the time and all that does is make you feel bad because you know they are right, and you've hurt them because you were weak enough to give in to the whisper. It is about always fighting with yourself."

---

"He claimed he was 'broken' and 'done'. All things Rhys has said before, Reid and Astrid just think they know everything about mental health, hm? Rhys is fine, Bells."

---

"We are together because we love each other." Cleo answered naturally. "You're not a bad fiancè, Rhys... it's just complicated. All good things are complicated though." Slowly she lifted her hand up to rest her palm against his cheek, "You're not bad at everything. We don't have to leave each other over this, we can.. work it out. We've managed to get over worse."

---

Sienna nodded, getting up once again and going to find her brother.

"I'll meet you at home," Marlowe whispered. "I should stay here, talk to him."

“I just feel like my entire life has come crashing down at the same time and I don’t know how to pick up the pieces properly.” Karsi admitted, hanging her head. “I’ve lost you and Cain and Wren, I’ve lost the notion I had of family - and I’m scared Louis is slipping away too because his father always has to whisper something in his ear and I consistently look the bad guy. I don’t know where to start, or how to make any of it better and I feel the harder I try the worse it gets for everyone...”

---

“Done? As in done done? We need to go find him - we need to find Dane and River and go find him.”

---

“Are you safe with him?”

---

“I don’t have it in me to work it out Cleo. I’m leaving - I’m done. I’m just constantly fighting everything and I’m so tired. I just want to not be here for a while, not be me...”

"Not be you?" Cleo frowned, brushing her thumb against his cheek before slipping her arms around him to pull him against her and into a hug. "Don't go anywhere, don't leave? Let me try and help you."

---

"I won't go anywhere private, I'll stay here... in sight of everyone." Marlowe promised.

---

"He just needs to walk it off, Bella, really." Ronan muttered. "I wouldnt lie to you, would I? He said done as in done with the conversation- everyone is just being dramatic."

---

"You've not lost me. I'd of gone away by now had you 'lost me'." Tesni answered with an eye roll. "It is getting worse the harder you try because you are trying too hard, making everything out to be worse than it is. I'm allowed to be mad at you and Louis, as are your kids. Put up with it until the feeling fades don't bring it up constantly and remind us."

“All the talk about moving out as soon as you’re eighteen and being independent and not wanting anything to do with us after that...” Karsi shook her head. “I was so apprehensive about adopting at first, Louis was always so confident but I had so many what ifs in my head... but the day we went to pick you up, we were confused because why weren’t you running out to meet us? And the social worker said it’s because you’d been picked up and dropped back off that many times you didn’t get excited anymore. And when you came out I could see the defeat on your face already and it broke my heart, and every apprehension I had just melted away because I knew I had to prove to you that you were worth keeping. Because I get that feeling - the being dropped and picked back up - my parents did it with me and that damned boarding school. You’re my daughter, just like Wren... but you calling me mom for the first time? If I had to be honest it was more special than hearing Wren and Cain say it. Because you chose to say it. Babies saying it is amazing, but in the end they’re just parroting what you say to them. But you? I cracked champagne for that one. And I guess now I understand you more than I ever thought I would. You could leave tomorrow and find another family to call yours and never speak to me again but I’d always have two daughters.”

---

Rhys sobbed as he was pulled into her, burying his face in her shoulder as he held her tightly.

---

“What was he saying about Cleo?”

---

“If you’re sure.” Maddox nodded, kissing her forehead gently before getting up and walking toward the entrance.

"Oh Rhys," Cleo whispered, heartbreaking as she heard his sob. Tightening one arm around him to keep him there, her other hand moving up to tangle her fingers in his hair; "I love you, I love you so much. I am going to fix this for you, okay? I promise you, it is going to get better. You're going to feel better, love yourself."

---

"He said things about everyone, Bella - all things he has said before. He feels like a failure as a son, fiancè, with his career." Ronan shook his head. "All he was doing was letting off steam, really... Trust me."

---

"I - I know." Tesni mumbled quietly. "Deep down, if the going gets rough, I know that... I know it never meant anything really either - me being the one to go to France but like you know now there is always that voice, isn't there? And sometimes the voice is louder than mine, and when it is it takes a while to go quiet again but talking about it constantly really isn't helping. I just want to wait it out until it goes numb."

“Failure as a son? What’s made him feel like that?”

---

“I just... I love you.” Karsi whispered, pulling her into a hug. “So much Tesni… you’re my little - not so little - girl and I hate that I’m the one who hurt you when I’m supposed to protect you.”

---

“There is no fixing this... it’s too messed up, too many pieces... I’ve tried!”

"Because of how long it took us all to find you, because we nearly lost you." Ronan sighed. "He is going to be fine, Bella. He literally just went for a walk to clear his dead, that is all; ignore Astrid and Reid, I think I know Rhys enough to know when he is thinking about doing something stupid to himself."

---

"You have, you've tried so hard." Cleo agreed softly. "You've been trying on your own though, now I am here to try as well. I love you Rhys, you're so important to me, so special. Come on, let's go back... let's talk to your mom; we can all go home, work out a plan together. You can tell everyone what you're feeling, what you're thinking."

---

"The worst part was you weren't awake," Tesni whispered, leaning in to hug her back gently. "I didn't know if I would ever see you again, if you would ever wake up again it was just.. fast and abrupt. It felt so final."

“I’ve already spoke to Ronan... I - there’s no use speaking to anyone else about it Cleo. It’s okay, I’ll be okay.”

“You don’t have to be.” Astrid offered gently as she caught up with them, frowning as she caught the back half of the conversation.

---

Bella frowned, hesitating before nodding, trusting Ronan’s instinct.

---

“Funny thing about me is that I’m really hard to kill - I’m like a cockroach.” Karsi chuckled, laughing softly. “I’ll always come back for you, you have my word.”

Cleo frowned, glancing to the side at Astrid and shaking her head before turning her attention back onto Rhys: "Well, you can speak to me even more, at any time. You can always speak to me. I've got you, Rhys. You're not alone, I'm going to find a way to help you feel better again."

"As will I and Astrid." Reid butted in, stopping at Astrid's side. "You've got a big family, Rhys and a lot people who understand what it is like to struggle. Use us and abuse us."

---

Ronan offered his arms out to her for a hug then.

---

"I don't think that's funny." Tesni mumbled

“We’re here for you kiddo.” Astrid offered, taking Reid’s hand.

“I’m fine... just had too much to drink.” Rhys shook his head, pulling away and running his hand through his hair.

---

“I will always come back for you. You’re family Tesni.” Karsi pulled back to brush some hair from her face. “You’re the best big sister I could’ve hoped for for Cain and Wren. And despite you being a pain in the ass in the kitchen - “ she teased. “I wouldn’t change you for anything.

---

Bella leaned over to hug him back, holding him close.

"You know what Rhys is like when he has had a few drinks too many, he goes on a downer sometimes. Don't worry." Ronan whispered, smoothing her hair down gently.

---

Cleo frowned when he pulled away, catching his elbow so he couldn't move back too much. Reaching her other other forward to wipe a stray tear off of his face, "Your feelings are important, drunk or not."

---

"You love having to think outside the box with food now, you ate boring stuff constantly before." Tesni laughed.

“I must admit having to find alternatives has been an interesting challenge.” Karsi nodded with a small grin.

---

“I’m okay, just drunk...” Rhys insisted, wiping at his face. “I’m fine.”

---

“Just makes me feel awful that I can’t help whatever it is that makes him feel so bad.”

"Lets go home then, hm? Sober you up, eat some really greasy food that our bodies will hate us for." Cleo whispered. "We'll get an early night."

Reid reached into his pocket, pulling out his wallet and offering Rhys a business card for a therapist he and Astrid use. "Keep this on you from now."

---

"Only he can help himself with that. He just needs to forgive himself doesn't he?"

---

"And you love aubergines because of me, so.." She shrugged.